The Exclusive Diaries of Shigure Sohma
by SmurfLuvsCookies
Summary: Recounts of the infamous Shigure Sohma's daily life, jotted down by the mischievous man himself. #3 MY DOPPELGANGER - He was a military man. But he was a devilishly handsome, cunning military man. I couldn't shake the feeling I knew him from somewhere...
1. SNEAKIEST SNEAK ATTACK IN SNEAKHISTORY

THE EXCLUSIVE DIARIES OF SHIGURE SOHMA: THE SNEAKIEST SNEAK ATTACK IN SNEAKHISTORY

It's so fun to torture Mit-chan.

She's probably the best editor I've ever had! So fun to tease; and she' s_ such _a good sport. This week, she's only threatened me with suicide twice! A new record!

Today, though, I was bored. I had (of course) finished my document, but when Mit-chan came by, I told her it wasn't complete.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'IT ISN'T COMPLETE'?" she said to me.

"Well, it means that it's not done," I told her calmly, holding back laughter.

Mit-chan glared at me. "I'll give you until this evening. But by then it NEEDS to be finished."

She left me. I was absolutely baffled. She knows by now that I have it done; I always do. She should be _begging _me to hand it over. Why isn't she?

_Maybe that's it! _I suddenly thought in an episode of brilliance. _She knows I have it done, so she's not even bothering to challenge me!_

"But that's not any fun!" I cried dramatically. "Now, I must think of a different tactic." I sloothily slid into my office, a devilishly handsome smile on my face.

That evening, Tohru made a most delicious meal. I was delicately supping this delicious, flavorful morsel (it's so nice to have a woman in the house to cook and clean. Tohru's food is so much better than takeout or, God forbid, _Yuki's_ cooking! Bleh!) when I heard the familiar sound of my belovedly distressed editor's cries.

"_SHIGURE!_"

"Don't you think that you should get the door, Shigure?" Yuki said.

I chuckled. "Now why would I steal that privilage from you, Yuki? No, I go up to my office and finish the document Mit-chan so badly needs." Still chuckling, I silently tiptoed out of the room, leaving the three children gawking at my gracefulness.

It was not Yuki who got the door, but dear, young, polite Tohru.

"Where. Is. Shigure?" Mit-chan asked, rather loudly.

"Uhmmmm...I-I think he said something about going up to finish a document..." poor baffled Tohru said.

"Grrr! SHIGURE!" Mit-chan yelled, stomping into my office. She could not see me, for there was no light in the room. I hid behind the door she had just slammed open, and my most marvelous face will be bruised by morning. "WHERE IS THE DOCUMENT?"

She stepped into the darkness of the office, and I peaked out from behind the door and said, "Boo!"

She shrieked like a banshee, my poor editor, and then began to beat me with her fists (that will probably bruise too). "WHERE IS THE DOCUMENT! SHIGURE, IF YOU DON'T GIVE ME THAT DOCUMENT _RIGHT NOW _THEN I WILL KILL MYSELF! YOU MAKE ME WANT TO KILL MYSELF! DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE, WANTING TO KILL YOURSELF BECAUSE OF A CARELESS WRITER! WHERE IS THE DOCUMENT?"

I laughed, delighted to have my dear editor back to normal. "Now, Mit-chan-"

"DON'T CALL ME THAT! WHERE IS THE DOCUMENT?"

"It's right up here," I said, pointing to my temple.

"WHAAAAAAAT? YOU HAVEN'T-" Mit-chan started hyperventilating and her face got very pale, to pale to be healthy really.

"Mitsuru," Yuki interjected from the hallway. He handed her a large stack of papers clipped together. "Here is the document."

Mit-chan stared at the document then glared at me. "You were FINISHED?"

"I was? Yuki, where did you get that document?" I asked, secretly angered with Yuki.

"It was on your desk. There was even a little sticky note that read _Document for Editor _on it. Now, if you would please stop yelling, I would be very appriciative," he stalked off.

"Huh," I said indifferently. "I guess I was finished. Well, there you go Mit-chan."

"Don't call me that!"

"Shh! Young Yuki said no yelling!"

"SHIGURE!"

Well, that concludes the story of my awesome sneak attack. It was amazing, wasn't it? Wasn't it?

With An Astounding Amount of Wonderful Love,

Shigure ;D

**This is a really stupid short story that I wrote cause I was bored. You just lost five hundred brain cells by reading it. :)**

**-Smurf ^^**


	2. AKITO'S RULES

THE EXCLUSIVE DIARIES OF SHIGURE SOHMA: AKITO'S RULES

My dear Akito.

She really doesn't know how beautiful she is. These past few weeks have been absolutely wonderful; I am a man in love. I could go on forever about Akito. She's really improved her social skills since the goddess in her has died, but there are still a few things she could stand to brush up on, you know?

So, being the amazing, caring, thoughtful lover that I am, decided that I should lay down a set of rules for her. I am a social butterfly, after all. I don't believe I've met a person who hasn't succumbed to by irresistible charms.

As she was attempting to make dinner (Akito is an awful cook, but she's dedicated to the art and refuses to quit no matter how many times I suggest she do so) I created an organized, color-coded pamphlet for her to use to study with. Contained within it were these set of rules:

_1. Never call Shigure mean names. Adoring fans might take it offensively._  
_2. When at loss of something to talk about, bring up Shigure. He's a great topic._  
_3. If someone is jealous of you for spending time with Shigure, don't fret. Tell them that there's __enough of him for everyone._  
_4. Always remember: Shigure loves you!_

Akito hit me in the head with a frying pan and threw the pamphlet at me without a word.

Honestly, how rude!

But then she kissed me quite enthusiastically and said: "I love you, too."

Oh, my dear Akito.

This all happened approximately three days ago. This morning, Akito came into the kitchen and handed me a pamphlet with a bold title that read: _Shigure's Rules_.

"What is this?" I asked.

"Just read it," Akito ordered.

I opened it and inside were this list of rules:

_1. Akito will call Shigure whatever she likes. _  
_2. Shigure has no adoring fans - except maybe Akito. _  
_3. Akito doesn't need conversation topics. She has plenty of her own._  
_4. No one is jealous of Akito and Shigure._  
_5. If they are, Akito will not tell them that there is enough Shigure to go __around. There isn't._  
_6. Always remember: Akito loves you!_

"Considering the fact that you have more rules to abide by than I do," Akito said, "then I think you should be the one asking me for advice regarding social antics, not the other way around."

I frowned at the pamphlet, then crushed it to my breast. "I'll cherish it forever!"

"You are such an idiot," Akito sighed, rolling her eyes.

I pulled her into my lap, relishing the blush that rolled across her cheeks. My dear Akito, no matter how grown up she tries to be, she really is still a child. I buried my face in her neck, inhaling her warm scent. "Yes, but I'm your idiot."

"I suppose that's true," Akito admitted. It was amazing that she could keep her voice steady, for the beating of her heart was thunderous under my ear. I leaned in to kiss her, but she quickly hopped up and skipped to the kitchen. "I'm thinking pancakes for breakfast! What do you think?"

I grimaced, remembering the green atrocities she'd deemed pancakes once before.

Oh, my dear Akito.

With Astounding Amounts of Wonderful Love,

Shigure :D

**Something that came to me and I decided to right about. There might just possibly be a bit of OOCness in this story, but I think it turned out okay. Again, something triggered by boredom. **

**-Smurf ^^ **


	3. MY DOPPELGANGER

THE EXCLUSIVE DIARIES OF SHIGURE SOHMA: MY DOPPELGANGER

Can you believe this?

Today, I went to the bookseller's and I discovered that they didn't have the latest volume of my favorite manga out yet. So I decided to divulge in a little bit of "young adult" literature. I purchased a book called "Tsubasa: Those With Wings," because it's by one of my favorite mangakas, Natsuki Takaya (well, she's actually one of Tohru's favorite mangakas, but she's grown on me since I've snuck into Tohru's room and stole some of her books to read).

Anyway, you'll never guess what I discovered in a volume of this delightful series.

My. Doppelganger.

Yes! There, in the midst of all this chaos, was a magnificent man who looked_ just like me_! He had different colored hair, of course, and it was an atrocious hairstyle, absolutely awful! But, in the face, he was devilishly handsome! He was my spitting image!

This man was Major Touya Ingram (ugh, I know! He was a military man; but he was a devilishly handsome, cunning military man). Of course, he could never possess my heavenly body nor my impossibly lustrous hair, but he was good-looking all the same.

The heroine is nothing like Tohru, I'm afraid, but she does bare a slight resemblance to younger Kyo...if he had boobs and brown hair.

Hehe...Kyo with boobs.

Anyway, back to my doppelganger. Isn't it incredible? This is a once-in-a-life-time thing! I wish he was real; then I could meet him. We would be like twins...! And we could walk around together and freak people out! Imagine what Mit-chan would do! And Akito, my dear Akito would have a nosebleed! And Tohru, she'd be so confused. Yuki and Kyo wouldn't be too happy about it, no no, not at all.

Sadly, Major Touya Ingram is not real. I suppose that's a good thing, don't you think? There really is only room for one Shigure in this world...

...I really must meet this Natsuki Takaya person, though. She must be a genius, to dream up a face that is almost as beautiful as mine and to succeed in capturing it. Poor mistress - she's probably fallen in love with the character she's devised, he's so handsome. Oh, well, we writers are always tortured souls, aren't we?

With Astounding Amounts of Wonderful Love,

Shigure ;D

**Again, b o r e d o m...I'm procrastinating on my other work I should be doing, and I decided to write this simply because I am under no obligation to do so (and 'cause I use this as a last resort when dealing with writer's block). Shorter than usual...and if you read Tsubasa: Those With Wings (by the same person who wrote Fruits Basket, FYI) then you will discover that Major Touya Ingram does have the exact same face as Shigure! He does! They are doppelgangers!**

**- Smurf ^^**


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